From a friend, in Cairo

My Fellow Americans:

My life has taken a dark turn (so to speak.) I am being stalked by a powerful, menacing Halfrican American! I went to Istanbul not too long ago and was followed there by none other than Barack Obama. Now I'm in Cairo and Obama's coming here. I swear to Allah, if the man shows up in Porter Ranch I'm calling the cops!

Meanwhile, unlike Turkey, where the excitement prior to the Messiah's visit was palpable, here in Egypt, not so much. The Egyptian attitude ranges on the excitement scale from total indifferenence to somewhat annoyed about the abominable two day traffic snarl Barack's visit will invariably create.

Why the difference in attitude, you ask? Well, I think for a couple of reasons. First of all, since this is a Muslim country, they are always looking for a reason to be pissed and/or "dissed." Since Obama chose to go to Turkey as his first Muslim country, every other Muslim country is now insulted. Not to mention, among Muslim countries Turkey is not considered a real Muslim country, so that added insult to injury.

Second of all, since the Turkey visit Obama has made yet more decisions about the War on Terror (and therefore Muslims) that are none too popular around here. In fact, there was a political cartoon in the newspaper depiciting Obama in a cowboy hat and boots, basically saying that there was no difference between Obama and George W. Bush. (If only that were true.)

Nonetheless, Cairo is on high security alert, Muslim style. Although the exact location of Obama's speech is supposed to be a state secret, it was nonetheless published on the front page of all the newspapers along with photos of Cairo University preparing the campus for his visit. Plus maps of the campus. There will be 300 well chosen students and 2,700 Egyptians with wasta ( political influence) attending. No motorcade, as he is arriving by helicopter. I'm sure more security details will be leaked as soon as they are available.

Meanwhile, there are tons of American security people staying at my hotel. Leon Panetta could easily hold a staff meeting in the fittness center or lounge any time of the day or night. But, boy do those guys have their work cut out for them. If Obama survives this visit without incident then we'll know he really is the Messiah.

Meanwhile, as we say in New York, not for nothin' but it turns out Sean Penn is also in town. Penn is shooting a movie here, the Valerie Plame story. He plays her vile, lying husband, Joe Wilson. (Type casting?)

Obama, Sean Penn, suddenly Cairo is lousy with famous Americans, or alternatively, one could say lousy, famous Americans are all over Cairo.

(name withheld by request)

Obama Stalkee