Posted February 2, 2009
Neville Chamberlain
123 Socialist Utopia Ln.
Workers Paradise, CA 99999
Dear Mr. President:
As you have recently taken office I understand that you still have a number of positions available in your Cabinet.
I would like to be considered as a candidate for one of the remaining positions. I hope that being an old white male is not a disqualification or a disadvantage in these times (please don't tell Robert Reich that I wrote to you).
Here are my qualifications:
- I am an Ivy League educated lawyer (aren't we all?)
- My specialty is tax law and international relations.
- For the last 6 years I have failed to pay, forgot to pay, and/or ignored paying my full share of federal income taxes and social security payments.
- I accepted, for 3 years, a limousine service provided by one of my clients that drove me to and from my office. I did not realize or care that free services are considered income.
- I helped broker and/or ran four pay-to-play operations for the Democratic machines in Chicago (I think some of your staff may know the individuals involved)and in Los Angeles.
- I secured sweetheart mortgage deals for myself and prominent members of the House and Senate Finance committees.
- I also hired a nanny from Guatemala to look after my children but failed to include her unemployment taxes in my returns for the last 10 years.
I also have extensive experience in meeting with dictators and despots without pre-conditions. Perhaps when Hillary self-destructs I could be considered for Secretary of State.
I am sincerely sorry about these minor oversights and I know that you and the Senate Democrats will make endless excuses for me and say I am the only one who can this job...whichever one I am nominated for.
I intend to file amended tax returns as soon as I am aware that the vetting process has begun. By the way, can you use your influence with Treasury Sec. Geithner so I can avoid paying those annoying penalties? Thanks bro'.
Please know that I can do a great job for you now that being a tax scofflaw is the road to upward mobility in public service.
Kind regards,
Neville…former Prime Minister for the United Kingdom
No comments:
Post a Comment