SHARIA FINANCE FOR DUMMIES (and boy, are they dumb!)

On Sharia Finance, Blankies and Axe Body Spray
Posted by Ann Barnhardt - January 21, AD 2012 10:46 PM MST

Writing about Sharia finance is oddly refreshing. Why? Because it is a chance to point out the abject stupidity – and guys, we’re talking full-on drooling imbecility here – of islam without anyone getting their head sawed off with a dull Ginsu-II or a child getting raped. Sharia finance is so monumentally stupid that it is actually hysterically funny. Have a few beers around a campfire and I could get you laughing so hard your ribs would ache.

Sharia finance CLAIMS to be lending without interest, because everyone knows that interest is all a sinister plot hatched by the JOOOOOOZ to keep down the white man. Wait. Keep down the black man. Wait, no. I’m getting so confused. Um, it definitely has something to do with the JOOOOOOZ, and I know this because all of the Ron Paul supporters tell me so. They also tell me that the World Trade Center was brought down by cold fusion-powered government tractor beams. They also tell me that the earthquake we had here in Colorado last year was actually the government (or was it the JOOOOOOOZ?) destroying the secret underground mega-city west of Trinidad, CO (Middle Earth is REALZ, yo!) with nuclear weapons, and that Ron Paul actually is the best friend and savior of the JOOOOOOOZ and if I weren’t such a Jew-loving, Zionist c*** I would see that. My email box is proof that truth is stranger than fiction, and that you really, truly can not make this stuff up. But I digress.

So the entire premise of Sharia finance is that there is NO INTEREST. If you borrow money, it is at zero percent, because the paying of interest is “haram”, which means “forbidden”, according to Sharia law. Got it? Good. Now, let me walk you through the reality of Sharia finance, and I warn you, don’t drink while you’re reading this, because if you do, you stand a good chance of spewing your Dr. Pepper out your nose, and I won’t be responsible for that.

Let’s say a person buys a $150,000 home on a 15 year mortgage at 5%. Purely for the sake of simplicity, let’s just say zero down. The amortization table shows that over those 15 years, or 180 months, at 5% interest, the monthly payment would be $1186.19 and that the total interest expense paid over the life of the mortgage would be $63,514.28. So, principal plus interest would be $213,514.28 for the $150,000 property.

Now here is an “interest-free” Sharia loan scenario. And bear in mind that I am dead serious here. I’m not making this up.

A musloid walks in to a Sharia-compliant lender and tells them that they want to buy a $150,000 property on a 15 year term. The Sharia-compliant lender then looks up what the going INTEREST RATE is. (Uh, Houston, we have a problem.) In our example, it is 5% on a 15 year mortgage. He then calculates the amortization table on a 15 year loan on $150,000 at 5%. (Uh, Houston, we've had some sort of major malfunction here.) He sees that the total interest expense would be $63,514.28. So, the Sharia-compliant lender then offers to buy the property at $150,000 and immediately sell it to the customer for . . . $213,514.28. The customer then sets up a note to repay the $213,514.28 in 180 equal monthly payments of $1186.19 at “zero percent”, because $213,514.28 divided by 180 is $1186.19. Voila! Zero interest!

That’s it. I’m not kidding. I’m not making this up. If I was going to make something up, I would make something up that wasn’t totally, completely, laughably stupid.

Um, soooooo, tell me Mister Musloid, what EXACTLY is the $63,514.28 markup? Uh, isn’t that . . . interest? How was that amount calculated? Uh, didn’t you ping the interest rate market to come up with that number? Yes.

Aren’t you paying the lender for the use of his money over the 15 year term? Yes.

Wouldn’t TRUE zero-interest lending mean that you paid a total of $150,000 for the property, and that your monthly payment would therefore be $150,000 divided by 180 months, or $833.33 per month? Yes.

And if you did a 30 year loan at true zero interest, your monthly payment would be $150,000 divided by 360, or $416.66 per month? Yes. THAT would be zero interest. Sharia finance is “zero interest” about as much as I am a bottle of 1964 Chateau Latour.

Over the Christmas holiday, I had the occasion to be around a two year old while traveling. There was a blanket nearby, and we inevitably fell into the old game of “hide under the blanket”. The toddler would pull the blanket over their head right in front of me, and then I would say, “Hey, where did she go? She was here just a minute ago. She just disappeared!” And then the toddler would pull the blanket off of her head and yell “HERE I AM!” and I would act like I had just witnessed some sort of miraculous manipulation of the fabric of space-time – probably having to do with a secret government cold fusion-powered tractor beam. You know the game. And you also know that toddlers at between the ages of three and four become self-aware, and possess enough cognitive sophistication to be able to perceive and extrapolate how OTHERS perceive THEM. And as soon as that intellectual benchmark is reached, the “hide under the blanket game” no longer works, because the child KNOWS YOU CAN SEE THEM.

This is pretty much the dynamic we are dealing with vis-à-vis the musloids. These people are intellectually and cognitively stunted due to 1400 years of inbreeding. As a result of this, they actually think that this Sharia finance “work around” is somehow valid or legit - AND THAT WE CAN'T SEE IT. They think that we non-musloids look at this and say, “My goodness! Yes . . . yes. That truly is a zero interest mortgage! Why didn’t we think of that?!”

The sad thing is that the politically correct morons who infest our culture think that it is somehow “tolerant” or “promoting diversity” to go along with the musloids and their intellectual retardation. And so, all of the megabanks are furiously scrambling to set up “Sharia-compliant” financial products, when the only appropriate response to such absurdity would be something along the lines of, “DO YOU THINK THAT I’M STUPID? GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE, AND TAKE YOUR BRAIN-DAMAGED NONSENSE WITH YOU. NOW. I’M BUSY.”

Finally, just a word about this in terms of the faux-religious con of islam. Have you noticed that musloids are constantly trying to cheat, deceive, and concoct “work-arounds” of ol’ allah? Sharia finance is merely trying to come up with a childish legalistic way to claim that they aren’t paying interest – but they obviously are. Islam also teaches that men can sin and do whatever they please on Mondays and Thursdays, because these are the two days of the week that allah is “inventorying the deeds of men”, and thus allah “is busy and isn’t watching you.”

I’m telling you, the stupid is STRONG with these people. What the hell kind of religion is built upon screwing over the diety? Oh, yeah - a “religion” that isn’t a religion at all, but a stupid, evil totalitarian political cult that uses faux-religious myths and motifs to control its cognitively damaged slaves. THAT kind of “religion”.

Guys, it is one thing to play “hide under the blankie” with a two year old. It is quite another to play that game with a 50 year old man wanting to buy real estate who smells of goat and Axe Body Spray, and also wants to kill you and take over your country.

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