From the Dark Ages to the Dumb Ages

 

WILL ROGERS - A great American political sage (***never squat with your spurs on***)

Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known.

"William Penn Adair Rogers [born November 4, 1879] was an American stage and film actor, vaudeville performer, cowboy, humorist, newspaper columnist, and social commentator from Oklahoma. He was a Cherokee citizen born in the Cherokee Nation, Indian Territory."

Some of his sage advice:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd [long before bottled water].

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading...the few who learn by observation...the rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

ABOUT GROWING OLDER:

First - Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Second - The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Third - Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.

Fourth - When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

Fifth - You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Sixth - I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.

Seventh - One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.

Eighth - One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.

Ninth - Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Tenth - Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.

And, finally - If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.

HYSTERICAL!!!

George Carlin: "It's a Big Club...and you ain't in it!"

 

With 30-days left before the election perhaps it's worthwhile remembering what all of this opposition is about.... Something 99% of American voters do not quite understand.

https://theconservativetreehouse.com/2020/10/03/covid-fear-isnt-the-kitchen-sink-but-its-close/

 

Who resigned??

And you?

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump and said:

"Reverend, I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip!"

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

Comedian Don Rickles Was at His Best on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show

Hey, everybody from outside the United States--you'll never get a better feel for 20th Century America (and it's humor) than these clips so please take advantage now! (Especially you people from countries that restrict personal speech and expression.) And for all you younger people, THIS is what it was like to live in a non-PC world where everything goes (as long as it wasn't against the law)!! Trust me: it was so much more fun.

Over the course of 30 years, Rickles would appear on Carson’s show more than 100 times, each time bringing a blast of energy onto the set. Here’s a look at some of Rickles’s best appearances on Carson’s Tonight Show.

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Why Jews Support the Democratic Party

Conservative comedian Evan Sayet really knows his stuff...and he'll make you laugh.

"...to be called a Jew you don’t have to believe anything. To be called a Jew, all you have to do is plop out of a Jewish womb. Because these Jews – I’ll call them here “The Plopping Jews” – do not believe anything particularly Jewish. Indeed, there’s absolutely no reason to expect them to vote in a way that reflects Jewish values and beliefs. Since a Jewish person’s Judaism is not of his own choosing or a reflection of his beliefs, his Jewishness is nothing more than an accident of his birth. Therefore, to expect him to choose to support Jewish causes is actually a form of bigotry. People’s behaviors are predicated on their beliefs, not on the circumstances of their birth."

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SHOCKING!

New movie added

Top right (at the moment) is a category that started out as "Full Length Documentaries" and has now been changed to "Full Length Documentaries/Movies".

The movie I just added is a hysterically politically-incorrect film that could NEVER be made today. But you will die laughing. You may wonder why people are trying to suck all the humor out of life and why people are excoriated for saying something like "All Lives Matter".

Marxism, Maoism, socialism, statism, totalitarianism, and false religions all engage in stifling humor and joy from life because that is how they exercise control over their subjects. And besides, while they are torturing, beheading, demeaning everyone and stealing the fruits of your labor, you won't feel like laughing anyway.

So please, if you can--and while you can--still laugh, please do watch our newest edition BLAZING SADDLES!

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar...

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump walk into a bar and grab a booth. Donald leans over, and with a smile on his face, says:

“The media is really tearing you apart for that scandal.”

Hillary: “You mean the Mexican gun running?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean SEAL Team 6?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean the State Dept. lying about Benghazi?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean voter fraud?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean the military not getting their votes counted?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The NSA monitoring our phone calls, emails and everything else?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean the of drones in our own country without the benefit of the law?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Giving 123 Technologies $300 Million and right after it declared bankruptcy and was sold to the Chinese?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “You mean Obama arming the Muslim Brotherhood?”

Trump: “No the other one:”

Hillary: “The IRS targeting conservatives?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The DOJ spying on the press?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Sebelius shaking down health insurance executives?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Giving SOLYNDRA $500 MILLION DOLLARS and 3 months later they declared bankruptcy and then the Chinese bought it?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The NSA monitoring citizens’ phone calls, emails and everything else?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Obama’s ordering the release of nearly 10,000 illegal immigrants from jails and prisons, and falsely blaming the sequester?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Obama’s threat to impose gun control by Executive Order in order to bypass Congress?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Obama’s repeated violation of the law requiring me to submit a budget no later than the first Monday in February?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The 2012 vote where 115% of all registered voters in some counties voted 100% for Obama?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Obama’s unconstitutional recess appointments in an attempt to circumvent the Senate’s advise-and-consent role?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “The State Department interfering with an Inspector General investigation on departmental sexual misconduct?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “Me, The IRS, Clapper and Holder all lying to Congress?”

Trump: “No, the other one.”

Hillary: “I give up!

… Oh wait, I think I got it! You mean that 65 million low-information voters who don’t pay taxes and get free stuff from taxpayers and stuck citizens again with the most pandering, corrupt administration in American history?”

Trump: “THAT’S THE ONE!”

VERY FUNNY!

RONALD REAGAN'S FAVORITE IRISH JOKE

Courtesy of TO THE POINT NEWS

An Irishman was walking along a beach in County Cork one day and noticed an encrusted bottle washed up on the sand.  Wondering what might be inside he broke it off at the neck and out popped an Irish Genie.

"Oh, me man, I hah been in tha bottle for a hundred years, and you be settin' me free!" he exclaimed.  "For that, I'll be givin' you two wishes!"

"Two wishes?  Anything I want?" the man asked incredulously.

"Anythin' - just name it," the genie replied.

"Well, what I'll be wantin'," said the man, "is a glass of good Irish ale - but a very special glass, so that no matter how much I drink it will always be full of good Irish ale."

Poof!  There it was in his hand.  The Irishman drank and drank and drank, and twenty minutes later, he hadn't made a dent.  The glass was still overflowing with wonderful Irish ale.

But by now the genie was getting impatient.

"Listen me man" he announced.  "I'm grateful for you settin' me free, but I was in that bottle for a long time and I've things to do.  So you'll be makin' your second wish now."

The Irishman thought for a moment, looked at the glass in his hand, and declared, "You know, I think I'll have another one of these!"

Laughing matter

I'm dreaming of a riot Christmas...

BRANCO CARTOON - SEASON'S BEATINGS

Groaners

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married.  The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." 

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a assaulted. 

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." 

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"  

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"  "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says, "It's Not Unusual."  

10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy. 

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.  

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's Have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"  "No, because he's really heavy."  

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.  

14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the stakes are too high."    

15. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.  

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.  

17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

If You've Ever Wondered Which Side Of The Fence You Sit On...This Is A Great Test!

If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.

If a progressive doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.

If a progressive is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

If a progressive is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

If a progressive is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.

A progressive demands that those they don't like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.

A progressive non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

If a progressive decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A progressive will delete it because he's "offended".

From Jeff Foxworthy

Moving To Mexico

Dear President Obama:

I'm planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me.

We're planning to simply walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and we'll need your help to make a few arrangements.

We plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws.

I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, The President of Mexico, that I'm on my way over?

Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. Please print all Mexican Government forms in English.

4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English-speaking (bi-lingual) teachers.

5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their school.

7. Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico, but I don't plan to purchase car insurance, and I probably won't make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one English-speaking officer.

11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my housetop, put U.S. flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.

13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might place on their economy.

14. I want to receive free food stamps.

15. Naturally, I'll expect free rent subsidies.

16. I'll need income tax credits so that although I don't pay Mexican taxes, I'll receive money from the government.

17. Please arrange it so that the Mexican Government pays $4,500.00 to help me buy a new car.

18. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security program so that I'll get a monthly income in retirement.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his people who walk over to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that the President of Mexico won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely.

Amazing how stupid this looks when you put it in writing!

This is Canada's Top Ten List of America's Stupidity

Of course we look like idiots .... because we are.

Number 10) Only in America...could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 per plate campaign fund-raising event.

Number 9) Only in America ...could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General and roughly 20% of the federal workforce is black while only 14% of the population is black 40+% of all federal entitlements goes to black Americans - 3X the rate that go to whites, 5X the rate that go to Hispanics!

Number 8) Only in America...could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner (the head of the Treasury Department) and Charles Rangel (who once ran the Ways and Means Committee), BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.

Number 7) Only in America...can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.

Number 6) Only in America...would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege, while they discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just 'magically' become American citizens (probably should be number one).

Number 5) Only in America....could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country's Constitution be thought of as "extremist" .

Number 4) Only in America...could you need to present a driver's license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.

Number 3) Only in America...could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. Oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).

Number 2) Only in America does the IRS collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year - for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn't have nearly enough money.

And Number 1) Only in America...could the rich people - who pay 86% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all.

Divorce, anyone?

Subject: Fwd: College Student
Date: June 30, 2014

The person that wrote this is a college student. Perhaps there is hope for us after all.

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

--Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
--We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them.

--You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.--Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.
--We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.

--You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
--We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

 --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens.
 --We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
 --We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood

--You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.

--You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
--We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values
.
--You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
--We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find.

--You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
--We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.
--We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
--I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

--We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.

--Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you.

P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

Forward This Every Time You Get It ! Let's Keep This Going, Maybe Some Of It Will Start Sinking In.